Poker Tournament at the Inventory (DISCONTINUED)
by Duublem
Summary: With the Inventory's numbers of visiting patrons at an all-time low, Reginald van Winslow hopes to stir up more activity at the Inventory in a promotional tournament with a special prize. 36 contestants. Seven total games. One outrageous tournament.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Unexpected Aid**

_In Equestria…_

"What's this?" asked Discord the draconequus. The mismatch of animal features stood in shock as he saw the eyes of the six ponies before him light up in white, as they floated together next to each other with their glowing Elements of Harmony.

Discord knew that unlike last time, the ponies were prepared and did really believe in their "friendship." He knew what the result would be if he didn't move quickly.

As he saw the rainbow spew forth from the glowing Elements of Harmony and head towards him, Discord realized to act fast. He proceeded to snap his fingers and teleport himself out of the way of the incoming rainbow, not knowing which universe he would land in now that he had to escape Equestria.

_Meanwhile, at the Inventory…_

It was another slow night at the Inventory. The hidden building's dark-skinned host Reginald van Winslow, who sported a sailor's hat and a mustache connected to his sideburns, was bored out of his mind at witnessing no customers arriving to play games and drink within the walls of the gambling and libation hotspot that was the Inventory. He saw all the poker tables and bar chairs across the spacious joint completely empty, with only one other person in the Inventory's large hub room besides Winslow.

"Just not your night, is it Winslow?" asked the yellow-skinned bartender speaking towards the approaching host.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Szyslak. It looks like for the first time in its history, the Inventory is completely devoid of any gamers and patrons. I'm afraid that if this dead silence were to keep up, the Inventory may find itself closing its doors for good" answered Winslow.

Just as Winslow finished his sentence, he found himself startled by the sudden appearance of some kind of chimera-like creature in the middle of the Inventory's hub, looking like no animal he had ever seen before.

"Whew. Managed to dodge those annoying ponies" said Discord as he then proceeded to look around the silent area before him. "Well this place looks boring beyond all belief. Maybe some good old chaos will liven it up."

Discord proceeded to snap his fingers, as all the chairs and tables across the large room started to float and spin around.

"I say, I don't believe I've ever met quite a unique individual such as yourself" said Winslow as he regarded the draconequus responsible for making the Inventory's furniture float.

"No kidding, Winslow. That thing looks like one of my nightmares after a bad binge" replied the bartender Moe Szyslak.

Discord chuckled. "I take it you've never seen a magnificent god of disharmony such as myself."

Discord soon turned his attention towards the giant monitoring robotic body approaching him from the ceiling. The giant central core, GLaDOS, spoke.

"I recognize this amalgamation of organism sections. It suddenly teleported into a room of my turrets one day while I was conducting experiments for Aperture Science. Before the turrets could annihilate the intruder, that creature caused all of my turrets in that room to float and then target each other after snapping his fingers." GLaDOS then moved closer to regard the draconequus while still maintaining a calm tone in her voice. "You destroyed several units of Aperture Science's hard work...you monster."

Discord chuckled at the monitor. "Monster? Please, I've been called worse. What can you expect from Discord, the master of chaos?"

Discord then turned his attention back to the Inventory's host. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to tell me what kind of dull and drab location I've ended up in?" asked the draconequus.

"Ah, yes" started Winslow. "This is the Inventory. Once built during the era of Prohibition, where alcohol was banned from the general public. Dixon Kent, the founder of the Inventory, maintained such a place to revolt against such a wretched law. This is a hubble where people can engage in liquor and poker alike without worrying about the controlling arms of the government. Even after Prohibition was repealed, the Inventory still operates and provides amusement to those who need the relaxation after whatever stresses face their lives."

Discord nodded to Winslow. "I agree most wonderfully. How can a world be so cruel as to remove fun, when fun is what makes the world go around. At least, you understand this kind of delight in fighting control better than those ponies in Equestria did. But I must say, I don't feel any fun from anyone else here right now."

Winslow nodded in a sad manner. "Yes, unfortunately the Inventory is now at its lowest in terms of patrons visiting our establishment. As the current host of the Inventory, I, Reginald van Winslow, was thinking of a tournament larger than the ones we normally conduct to bring in more visitors to try our cards and liquor; unfortunately I'm at a loss at knowing who and how to select more potential customers for our business."

Discord responded, now holding a fishing rod. "Sounds like you gotta reel in more fishes for your aquarium of fun" said Discord as he spun his rod as an imitation of reeling in a catch.

Winslow chuckled at Discord's fisherman act. "You know Mr. Discord, the Inventory has yet to establish a comedian to provide entertainment to our guests. I believe that with your capabilities, you could fulfill that position with untold excitement."

Discord's eyes lit up. "Finally, someone else who appreciates my talents for what they can provide: laughter. Sure, I can go overboard in how much I mess with the world, but really I just want people to laugh and have a good time. Fighting back against dumb rules? Making people laugh and enjoy life beyond boring standards and limitations? Sounds like my kind of world."

Winslow's eyes lit up. "Why certainly, Mr. Discord. Though I'm hesitant to involve a creature of chaos into the Inventory, frankly the Inventory needs a little chaos right now to keep it alive. Now I just a need a prize for our promotional tournament, along with the method of promoting our tournament to potential players."

Discord chuckled. "Now come on, Reginald. You're dealing with a god of chaos here. I'll get you the patrons needed to liven up the place. And as for the prize, well how does one wish from my power sound?"

Winslow responded in elation. "If you're going to provide the guests and the prize for our promotional tournament, then consider yourself officially hired for the Inventory Mr. Discord."

Discord replied. "Please just call me Discord. And don't worry about paying me. Seeing the entropy about to come to this place is payment in of itself. How many players do you want?"

Winslow answered. "Oh, I believe 36 players will do. Six tables of six players, then one final game of six players. Sounds straightforward to the visitors, and lets us see how well we can handle our first large tournament."

Discord nodded. "Sounds good to me. 36 contestants, coming up!" He then proceeded to snap his fingers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Introduction to the Tournament**

After Discord snapped his fingers, 36 individuals suddenly appeared next to Discord, Winslow, Moe, and GLaDOS within the Inventory's main hub.

"Holy Hannah Barbera huffing hummus in the hottest heights of Hell, Max! We're back in the Inventory" spoke a humanoid dog sporting a large revolver and a blue suit.

"Really? Well then I can't wait to play another game Sam" spoke the lagomorph next to the dogtective.

"Because you want to win?" asked the dog.

The rabbity thing answered. "No. Because of all the crazy rage-fueled fighting that's gonna happen when the other players lose. I can't wait to bite some skulls!"

"You crack me up, little buddy" replied the dogtective.

"I gotta be so fucking high right now, because that fucking dog and rabbit just talked" spoke a man in a dirty white T-shirt, blue jeans, and boots as he regarded the two Freelance Policemen.

"Oh come on. Between Oolong, Korin and our dog president, I've gotten used to talking animals" said a short bald man in a blue and orange gi.

"You're talking like this situation's normal, Krillin. Where have you been?" spoke a green man in a turban.

"You better hope I don't find out you're responsible for this, reaper. Because if it's your fault, then those two kids won't save you this time" spoke a buff man with an eyepatch and a chainsaw for a right hand pointing towards a skeleton in a black robe holding a scythe.

"Oh, please. Like I need to have you here, after all the pain you've caused me" spoke the reaper.

"Now please everyone, let's settle down. I understand your confusion, and I will be glad to elaborate" spoke Winslow to the 36 individuals. "The 36 of you have been selected to take part in a promotional tournament for the Inventory, a celebration of games and libations against the government's outlawing of our kind of life at the time. Regrettably, the Inventory hasn't had many patrons attending the establishment at this time. Which is why we are conducting this grand tournament to encourage more visitation to the Inventory. My associate Mr. Discord has gladly volunteered not only to transport the potential contestants for our special tournament, but to also offer the wondrous prize for this event."

Discord spoke up as well. "That's right you mischievous miscreants. Whoever wins the tournament gets the chance for one wish by yours truly, Discord the master of chaos and disharmony."

The man with the eyepatch and chainsaw hand spoke up. "Can't afford to let a god of chaos run amok again. Last time I dealt with one, I got eaten by a praying mantis."

A hulking man in a black polo shirt and green pants spoke as well. "I'm gonna pretend that what you just said made complete sense, because right now I'm asking why I'm here if you're recruiting new players to the Inventory."

Winslow answered. "Regrettably, Mr. Discord's selection process was entirely random. For those of you who have attended the Inventory before, my sincerest apologies. However, the prize of Discord's wish still stands for any who have or haven't entered the halls of the Inventory before. To the 36 of you who have been invited for our grand poker tournament at the Inventory, do you accept?"

The hulking man answered. "Ah, what the hell. I need a break from Hank, Dean, and Rusty."

A man wearing a red suit of biomechanical body armor answered. "I will seek victory over any battlefield if it means a blue can't win!" The red-armored man gestured his head towards another man wearing the same armor but in a teal color.

"Dude, seriously, who the fuck cares about red vs. blue anymore?" asked the teal-armored man.

"A game of poker? Sounds fun!" spoke a purple-armored man. "Yes, let's annihilate these wretched fools with our cards!" spoke the purple man again.

"Deal me in" spoke a man sporting a metal hand, chainsaw, and shotgun.

"Playing cards to win a wish from a god of chaos? Heh. Sign me up" spoke a white-haired man sporting a red jacket, two handguns, and a sword on his back.

"One wish, huh? Time to change the government" spoke a man sporting sunglasses and an orange cap.

"I will beat baby men!" spoke a large man sporting a minigun.

"I'm gonna beat all of you pussies, because I'm genetically superior baby!" spoke a well-toned young bald man.

"Over my dead body!" spoke a man whose upper head was blocked by a soldier's helmet.

"Oh boy. The soldier's going crazy again" spoke a man sporting glasses and a yellow construction helmet.

An old black woman chuckled. "With that wish, I can finally get out of Hilton-Jacobs...or I could use it to kill Super…"

"The dice have been cast again" spoke a blue-shirted and brown-haired man.

A brown-haired man with a cybernetic arm and eye spoke up. "Well this can't get worse than a giant teleporting monster, right Fiona?"

A brown-haired woman sporting a black hat and jacket replied. "Oh please. You weren't the one who had to climb inside the Traveler."

The cybernetic man chuckled. "Fair point."

"A poker tournament to win a wish from a god of disharmony? Well, that's just peachy" spoke a dark-haired green man.

"One wish, eh? Maybe I can put Squilliam in his place" said the talking octopus-man as he then proceeded to chuckle.

An egg-shaped man with a large mustache chuckled. "With that wish, I can finally be free of that blasted hedgehog once and for all!"

A dark-haired blue man spoke up. "No way I'm letting these fools get that wish. Kim Possible will finally be gone."

A short shirtless man wearing boxing gloves and a mask spoke. "I've been thinking of expanding Strongbadia. With that wish, I don't have to put in the work."

A black-bodied robot with a white face, red eyes, and a green head case spoke. "If this supposed wish is true, then I can finally be rid of all squishies!"

A short yellow man with a goatee responded. "You may fool yourself into believing you'll get that wish, but with my superior intellect I'll win the wish and finally rid myself of that infernal bandicoot."

A black and Scottish one-eyed man spoke. "Ya daft bastards ain't got what it takes to handle me at cards, ya lily-livered sissies!"

A brown-haired man sporting a lab coat and a Drusselstein accent spoke as well. "Now there's no need for name-calling, it's very mean and rude. Maybe I should invent a Namecallinator to make you feel what it's like when you're at the end of the name-calling."

"With that wish, I can finally get the Krabby Patty Formula!" spoke a tiny plankton standing on one of the tables as he then proceeded to laugh maniacally.

"A wish, eh? I could use it to destroy a building built just for me. Let's try this game out" spoke a dark-haired, mustachioed man.

"Bring it on, suckas! The scout is here to win!" exclaimed a young man wearing a grey cap, headphones, and pants along with a red T-shirt and arms wrapped in bandages.

"I can't wait to show you losers that this robot is the ultimate badass!" spoke a short yellow and white robot.

"A wish? Maybe I can finally be free from Death's grip…" spoke a young and pale dark-haired Japanese woman.

Winslow's eyes lit up. "Very well. I am pleased to see that all 36 of you have agreed to take part in the Inventory's first grand multi-table tournament. Since there are 36 of you, we will split the tables by six contestants each. The winners from each table will then face each other into a final game of six contestants for the ultimate prize of a wish from our benefactor, Discord the god of chaos! Now if you would, please sign your name onto our registry so that you become official participants into our special game."

The 36 players then proceeded one by one to sign their names onto the Inventory's tournament registry.

After the players finished registration, Winslow spoke towards the 36 with a final announcement before the start of the games. "Everything's in order. It's time to start our special poker tournament at the Inventory. The name of the games are Texas Hold'em. Let the games begin!"

**Poker Tournament at the Inventory Registration**

Florence Normandie Avery - _The PJs_

Ashley Williams - _Army of Darkness_

Brucie Kibbutz - _Grand Theft Auto IV_

Brock Samson - _The Venture Brothers_

Dr. Neo Cortex - _Crash Bandicoot_

Claptrap - _Borderlands_

Dante - _Devil May Cry_

Demoman - _Team Fortress 2_

Drakken - _Kim Possible_

Doofenshmirtz - _Phineas and Ferb_

Doc - _Red vs. Blue_

Dale Gribble - _King of the Hill_

Dr. Eggman - _Sonic the Hedgehog_

Engineer - _Team Fortress 2_

Fiona - _Tales from the Borderlands_

Grim - _The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy_

Heavy Weapons Guy - _Team Fortress 2_

Hoss Delgado - _The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy_

Krillin - _Dragon Ball Z Abridged_

Max - _Sam and Max_

Murdoc Niccals - _Gorillaz_

Dr. Nefarious - _Ratchet and Clank_

Piccolo - _Dragon Ball Z Abridged_

Plankton - _Spongebob Squarepants_

Rhys - _Tales from the Borderlands_

Sarge - _Red vs. Blue_

Soldier - _Team Fortress 2_

Sam - _Sam and Max_

Squidward Tentacles - _Spongebob Squarepants_

Strong Bad - _Homestar Runner_

Scout - _Team Fortress 2_

Trevor Philips - _Grand Theft Auto V_

Tycho Brahe - _Penny Arcade_

Lavernius Tucker - _Red vs. Blue_

Vinny Santorini - _Atlantis: The Lost Empire_

Seikatsu Tabi - _Kuma Kuma Land_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Game 1**

Winslow approached one of the poker tables set up throughout the Inventory for the grand tournament. He soon announced the six contestants for the specific table he was presiding over, before proceeding later on to other poker tables to announce the batches of contestants for those tables as well.

"Mr. Sarge, Mr. Soldier, Mr. Gribble, Mr. Engineer, Mr. Max, and Mrs. Avery, please proceed to your table to begin your game" spoke Winslow as the six named contestants soon approached and sat in the table Winslow was standing next to.

"You didn't mention the buy-in for this tournament, Winslow" said Dale.

"Ah yes. Because this is a special promotional tournament, we won't require any buy-ins on behalf of our contestants' financial standings. No, the buy-ins for these games will be provided through the Inventory's drink tokens. With these tokens, you can purchase any of our libations as you play and relax within the walls of the Inventory. We will provide each of our 36 contestants with 300 tokens. 200 tokens will serve as your buy-ins for your initial game and the final game should you succeed, the latter of which you should be able to pay after securing the 200-token buy-ins from the other contestants of your first game" answered Winslow.

"Drinking tokens as our buy-in? Well color me impressed with the Inventory, and not just for sticking it to the man" said Dale.

Winslow replied. "Why thank you, Mr. Gribble. Now if there are no further questions, let the tournament begin!"

GLaDOS then appeared right above the contestants and announced the start of the game. "The name of the game is Texas Hold'em."

Mrs. Avery spoke in fright at the monitor proceeding over her and the rest of the players. "What in God Almighty is that?!"

"I am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, or GLaDOS for short. And you will soon expire. Organisms are fun that way. I will be your dealer for the evening. Does anyone else have any inquiries as to what I am?"

Max replied. "No, but Sam and I keep forgetting to introduce you to the C.O.P.S. I can't wait to see the looks on their monitors when they see what kind of machine you are."

The Soldier spoke. "Can we get a move on? I can't wait to begin bathing in the blood of my enemies!"

The Engineer spoke. "Y'all know that poker doesn't involve fighting and killing other people, right?"

Sarge spoke up. "Yeah, but it just isn't right when you can't act like you're conquering a battlefield instead of playing cards. There just isn't that much glory without having the carnage."

Winslow spoke up. "I assure you, Mr. Sarge, that any violence committed within the Inventory's walls will lead to ejection from our establishment. Now let's start the competition! The blinds will start at 2 tokens and 4 tokens."

**Game 1 Table:** **Sarge - Soldier - Dale - Engineer - Max - Mrs. Avery**

**Hand 1**

GLaDOS dealt the first hand's hole cards to the six contestants.

Sarge: "I'm ready to destroy my enemies. Call."

Soldier: "He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight. Fold."

Sarge: "Ah, Sun Tzu. I see you're a man of the classics."

Soldier: "Of course. I couldn't have led my allies to victory without his brilliant mind."

Sarge: "Yeah, well. I wish my soldiers were as brilliant as Sun Tzu. I mean, Simmons wants to follow in my footsteps but it feels like the boy's too clingy and soft to fight just like me. Donut is...well, he's Donut. Lopez is a ton of help for a robot, but then again he is stuck on the Spanish setting so you gotta take the good with the bad on that one. And Grif, well, if you've ever had a soldier who's a worthless turd, then Grif would be the turd of that worthless turd. But he managed to live this long, so I can't say he wouldn't survive a single battle."

Soldier: "Well, Sergeant, I can tell you that my unit has got its own mess of problems as well. The Sniper's a good shot long distance, but acts like a wimp when he's telling his parents about his duty. The Heavy's a strong tank, but can't live without his sandvich. The Demoman's good when it comes to explosives, but sucks when it comes to sobriety. The Spy's a sneaky bastard, but one wrong move and his body could end up full of holes. I'd say our Medic's a good doctor, but I'm not sure I'd say that after he put the heart of a Loch Ness Hamster in my body."

The Soldier then uncontrollably squeaked, before resuming his conversation.

Soldier: "The Scout's quick on his feet, but shutting him up is the trick. The Engineer's built some mighty fine gadgets, but ain't got much else in artillery or strength. No offense, toymaker."

Engineer: "None taken, Soldier. Why, next to the Pyro, you're a good looney to use on our team."

Soldier: "You're goddamn right. And the Pyro...ugh, don't get me started on what freak's thinking. The point is, my buncha ladies may be lollygagging from time to time, but we know how to pull together as a unit when we're facing the BLU team. 'Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys; look on them as your own beloved soldiers, and they will stand by you even unto death.'"

Sarge: "Hehe, well look at Grif and tell me that's a son you want. Eating Oreos instead of my MREs, forgetting our ammo...that boy's gonna be the death of me."

Dale: "Let's see what you loonies got. Raise."

Engineer: "Won't know if you don't try. Call."

Max: "Sam told me I mainly go by my id instead of my super-ego, so I'm gonna stick with that. Call."

Mrs. Avery: "I've been playing poker before I learned how to walk, so I can keep up with you bozos. Call."

GLaDOS showed the flop cards, revealing an ace of hearts, 8 of hearts, and king of diamonds.

Sarge: "Huh...I'll check."

Dale: "Alright. I'll bet."

Engineer: "Let's see if y'all can handle this. Raise."

Max: "Ehh...no. Fold."

Mrs. Avery: "Hehehe. I'll call that, fools."

Sarge: "I just remembered. I gotta clean my shotgun." Sarge folded.

Dale: "If you're too scared to say you're folding, you ain't gonna last long in the tournament. Call."

Sarge pointed his shotgun at Dale. "You wanna say that again?"

Dale replied. "I thought you said you had to clean that thing."

Sarge grumbled. "Yeah, I did. You got lucky." He then proceeded to grab a wipe and start cleaning his weapon.

The turn card was revealed to be a 9 of diamonds.

Dale: "Check."

Engineer: "Time to separate the bulls from the chickens. I bet."

Mrs. Avery: "Florence Normandie Avery doesn't back down from a real opportunity. Raise."

Dale: "Ya got that look of fire in your eyes. Don't wanna burn myself with whatever you've got. Fold."

Engineer: "Hehe. Looks like this darling's the real bull. Call."

The river card was revealed to be a 9 of hearts.

Engineer: "I check."

Mrs. Avery: "Hehe. Time to bring you down. Bet."

Engineer: "Aw hell, I already went this far. Call."

The Engineer turned his cards, revealing an ace and 6 both of diamonds.

Mrs. Avery turned her cards, revealing an 8 of diamonds and king of clubs.

GLaDOS: "The Engineer has a pair of aces. Mrs. Avery has two pair. Mrs. Avery wins the hand."

Mrs. Avery: "Ha! I got ya. Don't mess with the queen of cards!"

Engineer: "Aw sonuvabitch, ya got me good there."

**Hand 2**

GLaDOS dealt the second hand's hole cards to the six contestants.

Soldier: "Alright. Let's see what you ladies got. No offense, Mrs. Avery. Bet."

Mrs. Avery: "Whatever, ya looney. Can't believe they let nuts like you and that red feller in the army."

Soldier: "Ma'am. I'll have you know that I trained myself in the art of combat and killed Nazis one after the other up until 1949."

Dale: "1949? WWII ended four years before that, Soldier."

Soldier: "Ya think all the Nazis were gone after 1945? I wandered the ends of the earth to track them all down, because the only good Nazi is a dead Nazi!"

Sarge: "Yeah! Exactly my motto, except you replace the word 'Nazi' with 'blue,' but I don't mind killing them too."

Max: "Yeah no kidding. Sam and I actually went to Nazi Germany, and I got to chomp on Hitler's head. Tastes just like chicken!"

Soldier: "Wait. I recognize you, rabbit. Your head was on all the Luftwaffe machines!"

Max: "Yeah, well, when you bite the most infamous man in history with razor-sharp teeth like these, you're bound to leave a mark." 

Dale: "Wait? You fought Hitler? How old are you?"

Max: "Oh me, I'm...wait...how old AM I? I'll have to get back to you on that."

Dale: "Alright, I'll call."

Engineer: "Call."

Max: "Let's raise the roof, woo hoo!"

Mrs. Avery: "Just how crazy are you?" Avery sighes. "Fine. Call."

Sarge: "Damn. Not dealing with wussies here...I'll call."

Soldier: "I've had craps with bigger bites than your raise. Call."

Dale: "I'm not settling for less. Call."

Engineer: "Great. Can't expect much from my hand at this point. Fold."

GLaDOS showed the flop cards, revealing a five of spades, 10 of hearts, and queen of hearts.

Soldier: "Alright, you pansies. Bet."

Dale: "Well…" Dale sighed. "No risk, no gain. Call."

Max: "As President of the United States, I refuse to surrender to a simple bet. I raise!"

Mrs. Avery growled. "Fine, take the damn hand."

Sarge: "I'm eager to test your skills, Soldier. Call."

Soldier: "So am I, Sergeant. Call."

Dale sighed. "Got me with that damn raise. Fold."

The turn card was revealed to be a 6 of diamonds.

Soldier: "Check."

Max: "Check check bang bang."

Sarge cocked his shotgun and chuckled. "Don't expect less from me. I bet."

Soldier chuckled. "I wouldn't have expected little out of you, Sergeant. Call."

Max: "I shouldn't call, but folding is what Sam would do. And Sam loves my spontaneity, so I'll call."

The river card was revealed to be a 10 of diamonds.

Soldier: "Check."

Max: "A check-it a tasket."

Sarge: "Hmmm...check."

Sarge turned his cards, revealing a queen of spades and 9 of hearts.

Soldier turned his cards, revealing a 9 of diamonds and queen of clubs.

Max turned his cards, revealing an ace of spades and king of hearts.

GLaDOS: "The Sergeant has a pair of queens. The Soldier has a pair of queens. Max has ace high. We have a tie between the Sergeant and Soldier, and the pot is split."

The Soldier and Sarge laughed. "You are a worthy opponent, Sergeant!" said the Soldier. Sarge replied. "Indeed, Soldier!"

**Hand 3**

Dale: "Let's see what gumption you guys (and gal) got. I bet."

Engineer: "Gonna call your bet."

Max: "I call."

Mrs. Avery: "Feh. Take it."

Mrs. Avery folded, before she proceeded to pull out her shotgun and start wiping it.

Sarge: "Yeh, I fold."

Sarge proceeded to pull out his shotgun to clean with a wipe as well.

Soldier grumbled before he folded. "Eh, take the hand."

Soldier pulled out his shotgun to clean with a wipe as well.

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 3 of clubs, ace of clubs, and queen of spades.

Dale: "I'll check."

Engineer: "Check that."

Max: "I'll play some chess...Just kidding, checkers."

The turn card was revealed to be an ace of hearts.

Dale: "Alright, I'm betting."

Engineer: "Forget that. I'm folding for now."

The Engineer pulled out his shotgun to wipe as well.

Max: "If there's anything Bosco taught me, it should be to never gamble or you'll end up as a male stripper. Lucky for me, I don't think much on what I should learn. So I'll call."

The river card was revealed to be a 7 of hearts.

Dale: "Alright, rabbit. Let's test your mettle. I bet again."

Max: "Well, I shouldn't call your bet again. But then again, I shouldn't have loosened gun regulations so kids can get pieces and shoot, so what do I know? Call."

Dale flipped his cards to reveal a 4 of clubs and king of spades.

Max flipped his cards to reveal a 10 of clubs and jack of diamonds.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Gribble has king high. Max has jack high. Dale wins, with the king kicker."

Dale responded in elation: "You keep this up, and I'll barely have to fight for the final game."

Dale then looked around as he saw several contestants cleaning their shotguns.

"I see y'all keep yourselves armed" spoke Dale. "Glad to see you're respecting our Second Amendment. After all, guns don't kill people; the government does."

Sarge chuckled. "Yeah, this mighty shotgun has helped me in more skirmishes than one. My life actually depended just on saying the word 'shotgun.'"

The Soldier chuckled as well. "Well asides from a shotgun, I keep myself armed and ready with my rocket launcher. Lets me reach high distance and blow up my enemies."

Sarge gasped. "You don't mean...you actually performed…"

"That's right Sergeant" said the Soldier. "Gravity can kiss my ass when I do the rocket jump!"

Mrs. Avery spoke up as well. "You better believe I won't be stuck in whatever the hell this place without Mrs. Jones by my side."

The Engineer spoke. "Now I normally rely on my sentry turrets to protect me and my team, but I afraid to rely on my shotgun and pistol if the time has to arise."

"And what would a Freelance Policeman like me be without his Peacemaker?" said Max as he held up his pistol.

"Freelance Police? So you don't work for the government?" asked Dale.

"No, but Sam and I get calls from the Commissioner to handle the cases that are too outrageous for normal police. In fact, we don't work for the government because it turned out that the President was a literal puppet used by a rainbow man who was actually a colony of endorphin-feeding sentient bacteria to hypnotize the world into pure bliss, and so I became President when the Lincoln Memorial Statue came to life and tried to convince the people to vote for him, and then Sam and I met the C.O.P.S. and entered a virtual world and then soon found ourselves meeting and fighting the Internet-"

"Okay just stop!" exclaimed Dale. "My brain can't handle all this freaky crap you're spouting...wait, did you say you became the President? You were serious about that before?"

"Yeah. Sam helped me beat Abe Lincoln, and then I became the leader of the free world. You don't have to worry about losing the free world though, because with my giant Maimtron 9000 robots order will be kept in the US of A!"

Dale responded in shock. "Oh hell! I thought the government was in a bad state before, but if those lefties are letting a bunny run the country then the damages are worse than I thought."

Max replied. "Eh, it's not all bad. With my strict anti-anti-gun laws in place, everyone from age 0 to infinite can own a firearm for their safety and now my approval ratings are through the roof!"

Mrs. Avery responded. "Some of those approval ratings are probably from all the gangsters and criminals who took over everything with the guns that you let loose, ya idiot!"

Max replied. "No, Sam and I have destroyed 98.9% of crime by now with the help of all the Maimtron 9000s I ordered to be installed for the aid of the Freelance Police. It was getting boring fighting only 1.1% of crime, but hey at least we ended up back here in the Inventory. Kinda sucked we forgot about this place recently."

Dale responded. "I have no idea how you could forget a place like this, but frankly I stopped caring about what you said after I found out you're this nation's President."

Max responded. "Thanks for the warm reception!"

Mrs. Avery chuckled. "You know, you're the kinda crazy I had fun with in my days of grifting. I remember this big nutty fella I worked with, Big Wally Bicks. It was just the two of us scamming everyone out of their money, before I double-crossed him and he faced the slammer. The bastard managed to find me fifty years later, only to suffer a fatal heart attack when he tried to choke me to death!" She then laughed as she recalled her dumb luck.

Max spoke. "I could never betray Sam. He and I have been best friends since...since...hmm, I don't remember where and when we first met. Guess you could say we've been together forever I suppose."

The Engineer spoke. "You gotta treasure your friends when you can, before you or them are gone." He then pulled out and started tuning his guitar.

Dale spoke. "Nice strumming, Engineer. You remind me of my pal Hank, and his guitar Betsy. If you want, you could try out for our band the 'Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience.'"

"That sounds like a mighty fine idea Dale. I'll check it out after I finish up my work" answered the Engineer.

"Hey speaking of music did you guys check out Sam's single 'Busted Down Hound Dog Blues?'" asked Max. "Sam came up with it when he was on 'Embarrassing Idol.' Here, I've got the tape." Max proceeded to pull out a boombox and insert a cassette tape into the device.

The high-pitched voice of Max's partner emanated from the boombox. "Howling at that drippy ol' hunk of mooooon!" The glass on Sarge's metal helmet, Dale's sunglasses, Engineer's goggles, and Mrs. Avery's seeing glasses cracked. "She's at brunch today with some babooooon! Road to someday, bits of me are streeeewn!"

Mrs. Avery responded. "That...was the most terrible piece of music I've ever heard in my life!"

Max replied with a smile. "Glad you agree! Or at least, it would have been the most terrible piece of music if it weren't for Peeper's shrill squawking we heard before Sam's song."

**Hand 4**

GLaDOS dealt the hole cards to the six contestants.

Engineer: "Nuh-uh. I fold."

Max: "I'm in. Call."

Mrs. Avery: "Yeh. Fold."

Sarge growled. "Fold."

Soldier: "I call."

Dale: "Alright. Let's get nuts. I bet."

Max: "Oh boy! I call!"

Soldier: "I'm not retreating now. I call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a jack of clubs, king of hearts, and 5 of spades.

Soldier: "Alright, prepare for my attack! All in!"

Dale: "Right now, I'm not that crazy to pull a stunt like that. I fold."

Max: "I can't wait to see the shock and rage on your face if I win! All in."

Dale flipped his cards, revealing a jack of hearts and 10 of diamonds.

Max flipped his cards, revealing an ace of hearts and 7 of diamonds.

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 9 of diamonds and a 4 of spades.

GLaDOS: "The Soldier has a pair of jacks. Max has ace high. The Soldier wins the hand. Max has been eliminated from play."

Max: "Ouch. Didn't expect to be the first guy taken out here. Then again, driving on instinct can only get you so far when your cards end up sucking. Time to see if Sam will make it to the final game. I don't want to lose hope for my canine companion, otherwise I'll start biting heads sooner than later."

Max proceeded to leave the game table.

**Hand 5**

Mrs. Avery: "This ain't a game for wimps. I bet."

Sarge: "I call."

Soldier: "I'm afraid your skills are outclassed ma'am. I raise."

Dale: "Should I bet or fold? Hmm….dammit, just take it. Better to let the rest of you destroy each other instead of me anyway." Dale folded.

Engineer: "Yeh, take it." The Engineer folded.

Mrs. Avery: "Alright, you want to go big? Then don't blame me when you lose everything. Call."

Sarge: "Time to lock and load. Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be an 8 of clubs, 4 of spades, and 3 of diamonds.

Mrs. Avery: "I check."

Sarge: "Hehe. I bet."

Soldier: "I'll call your action."

Mrs. Avery: "I ain't giving up so easily. Call."

The turn card was revealed to be a 7 of clubs.

Mrs. Avery: "Check."

Sarge: "I'll check that."

Soldier pulled out a bugle and played the cavalry charge. "Time to dominate. All in."

Mrs. Avery: "You're a feisty one, but so am I. All in."

Sarge: "Today is a good day for you to die! All in!"

The river card was revealed to be a queen of clubs.

Mrs. Avery flipped her cards, revealing a 6 of spades and king of hearts.

Sarge flipped his cards, revealing a queen of hearts and 3 of spades.

Soldier flipped his cards, revealing a 4 of clubs and ace of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Mrs. Avery has king high. Sarge has two pair. The Soldier has a flush. The Soldier wins the hand. Sarge and Mrs. Avery have been eliminated."

Sarge: "Hehehe. Well, you defeated me fair and square. Excellent work, Soldier." He then proceeded to gesture his hand into a salute for the Soldier.

The Soldier saluted Sarge as well. "You were a worthy opponent, Sergeant. Godspeed to future battles you face" said the Soldier. Sarge then proceeded to leave the table.

Mrs. Avery: "Huh. I should be pissed off, but then again you're all a bunch of sickos and frankly I wanna get the crap out of here. But what the hell? I'll stay just to see which one of you idiots actually managed to win this tournament." She then proceeded to leave the table, wondering who among the weirdos would be lucky enough to win the grand prize.

GLaDOS: "The blinds have been increased to 4 tokens and 8 tokens."

**Hand 6**

Soldier: "Bet."

Dale: "Alright then. Call."

Engineer: "I shouldn't take the chance, but then again I may screw myself by folding. Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 6 of diamonds, king of clubs, and 7 of hearts.

Soldier: "Alright ladies, I bet."

Dale: "The only lady here is you, Soldier. I call."

Engineer: "You're a looney, Soldier. Bluffing here may just come that easy to you. I call."

The turn card was revealed to be a 10 of hearts.

Soldier: "All right. Enough of these slow bets. All in!"

Dale: "No holding back, huh? Fine then. I'm going all in."

Engineer: "You're both crazy, but who am I to judge considering I'm a guy who builds sentry turrets and teleporters that gives bread tumors? Screw it. All in."

The river card was revealed to be a 3 of hearts.

Engineer flipped his cards, revealing a 9 of hearts and 2 of hearts.

Soldier flipped his cards, revealing an ace of diamonds and 6 of spades.

Dale flipped his cards, revealing a king of hearts and 8 of hearts.

GLaDOS: "The Soldier has a pair of sixes. The Engineer has a flush. Mr. Gribble has a flush. Dale wins, with the higher flush. The Engineer has been eliminated."

Engineer: "Aw well, you got me good guys. Can't be too mad, but I am wondering whether it's the nutty Soldier or the paranoid Dale who will win. I'll stick around to see if either of you can actually win the final game." The Engineer then left the table.

**Hand 7**

Dale: "I check."

Soldier: "Let's settle this Gribble. I bet."

Dale: "Anytime, old man. Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be an 8 of clubs, queen of hearts, and queen of diamonds.

Soldier: "Here's the final push onto the objective! All in!"

Dale: "Time to go down, Soldier! I call!"

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 9 of spades and ace of hearts.

Soldier flipped his cards, revealing a queen of clubs and king of clubs.

Dale flipped his cards, revealing of a queen of spades and ace of spades.

GLaDOS: "The Soldier has three of a kind. Mr. Gribble has a full house. Dale wins the hand, and the game."

Soldier: "Heh. Looks like I underestimated you Gribble. Maybe you'll prove your worth again in the final game. But you still got to keep your wits, cadet." The Soldier then left the table.

Dale chuckled. "Can't wait to get back to Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer and then see the looks on their faces after I win the last game and then make my wish to correct the government."

**Winner of Game 1: Dale Gribble**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Game 2**

Winslow announced the batch of contestants for the table he was currently at.

"Mr. Phillips, Mr. Niccals, Mr. Santorini, Mr. Demoman, Mr. Heavy, and Mr. Bad, please proceed to this table to start your game."

The six contestants then went to sit at their poker table as GLaDOS appeared above them to start the game.

"The name of the game is Texas Hold'em," said GLaDOS.

"What the fuck is that thing?!" asked Trevor as he regarded GLaDOS.

"That's one freaky machine you've got running this place, Winslow" said Murdoc.

Vinny shrugged. "I've seen weirder."

"Would you elaborate on what you quantify as 'weirder,' Mr. Santorini?" asked GLaDOS.

"A giant floating crystal, a hypnotizing tentacle monster, a looney who thought he was a Norse god, that kind of thing" said Vinny.

"Can we get a move on? I'm starting to feel withdrawal from not being able to punch Strong Sad in a long time," said Strong Bad.

"Da! I am ready to fight with cards again," said Heavy.

"Bring it on, pansies!" spoke the Demoman.

"Very well," said Winslow. "The blinds will start at 2 tokens and 4 tokens."

**Game 2 Table: Trevor - Murdoc - Vinny – Demoman - Heavy - Strong Bad**

**Hand 1**

Trevor: "I'm betting."

Murdoc: "Hehe. I'll call."

Vinny: "Hmm...I'll call."

Demoman: "Yuck. Fold."

Heavy: "I call."

Strong Bad: "Calling."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 7 of diamonds, king of spades, and 9 of clubs.

Trevor growled. "Bet."

Murdoc: "Ehhh...I call."

Vinny: "No. Fold."

Heavy: "Hm. I will fold."

Strong Bad: "I'm gonna raise."

Trevor: "Fuck it. Call."

Murdoc sighed. "Fold."

The turn card was revealed to be a 6 of diamonds.

Trevor sighed. "Check."

Strong Bad: "I'm still gonna bet, loser."

Trevor growled. "Why don't you just take all my money?! Call!"

The river card was revealed to be an ace of clubs.

Trevor: "Alright asshole, I bet!"

Strong Bad: "I'll raise you higher than Bubs's prices."

Trevor: "Hehehe. Call."

Strong Bad flipped his cards, revealing a king of diamonds and jack of spades.

Trevor flipped his cards, revealing a four of spades and ace of diamonds.

GLaDOS: "Strong Bad has a pair of kings. Mr. Phillips has a pair of aces. Trevor wins, with the higher pair."

"What?! How could I lose?! You're rigging these cards, aren't you?!" asked Strong Bad as he turned to look at GLaDOS.

GLaDOS answered. "I assure you, you little annoyance, that I am not rigging the deck in anyone's favor. You're just that pathetic in poker and in life."

Strong Bad: "Hmph. Yeah well...you wish you had hands like these babies." Strong Bad proceeded to kiss his hands.

Heavy: "Tiny boxer, I am still waiting to challenge you with these hands in fight with your tiny gloves."

Vinny: "I doubt this little guy could last a fight against my friend Audrey's sister, let alone the big brute over here."

Strong Bad: "How many times I gotta tell you, these are my hands!"

Murdoc: "Yeah well, they say the size of your hands shows the size of your package, if you know what I mean."

The Demoman laughed. "Exactly! His package is so small, if you were a mailman you could fit it through the door lock!"

The Demoman continued to laugh, before the Heavy took seconds to understand the joke before proceeding to laugh as well.

Strong Bad: "Man you guys are weird. And not in a fun 'Bubs' weird, but in a stupidly annoying 'Homsar' weird."

Trevor: "What exactly is wrong with having a small penis? Sure, it doesn't have much impact, but it can still get the job done. Mine ain't anything special, but it still works, guys."

**Hand 2**

Murdoc: "Hm. I call."

Vinny: "Ehhh...I call."

Demoman: "I'll call."

Heavy: "Call."

Strong Bad: "I raise."

Trevor: "Alright, fuckwad. I call."

Murdoc: "Still gonna call, little...whatever you are."

Vinny: "Gotta fold."

Demoman: "Damn these cards. Fold."

Heavy: "Fold."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 2 of diamonds, king of clubs, and 5 of clubs.

Murdoc: "Check."

Strong Bad: "Don't stop betting! Hold on to that feeling!"

Trevor: "Fucking little prick. I call."

Murdoc: "Dammit. Fold again."

The turn card was revealed to be a 7 of hearts.

Strong Bad: "I'm the baddest card player from Free Country, USA. Which is why I'm bringing you down by betting!"

Trevor chuckled. "You wish, motherfucker. I call."

The river card was revealed to be a queen of clubs.

Strong Bad: "Time to separate me, the winner, from all you losers. Bet!"

Trevor growled. "I call, if only because I don't want to see this weird annoying fuck again!"

Trevor flipped his cards, revealing an ace of hearts and 4 of clubs.

Strong Bad flipped his cards, revealing a 6 of spades and queen of spades.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Phillips has ace high. The little masked creature has a pair of queens."

Strong Bad spoke. "Just so you know, this isn't a mask. It's my face."

GLaDOS replied. "I didn't ask. And don't interrupt me again, or I'll throw you in a room full of my turrets. Anyway, Strong Bad wins the hand."

Trevor: "Argh! I can't wait to find out where you live, you little fuck!"

Strong Bad: "Ha! You wish you could beat me, but Strongbadia's defenses are perfectly capable of handling you. If, by defenses, I mean the Cheat and Strong Mad if he isn't doing whatever he's doing. And once I get the wish, I'm gonna include a giant slingshot to throw whatever I want at all intruders, plus that lumpy sad sack that is my kid brother."

**Hand 3**

Vinny: "Hm. I call."

Demoman: "Call."

Heavy: "I bet."

Strong Bad spoke in a mocking tone. "Hehehe. Oh no, that bet is scaring me. Looks like I'm gonna have to…call, loser!"

Trevor: "Raise, motherfuckers."

Murdoc growled. "Fold."

Vinny: "I call it."

Demoman: "Call, ya ninnies."

Heavy: "Da, I call."

Strong Bad: "Ain't leaving soon. I call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be an 8 of clubs, 3 of hearts, and 8 of spades.

Vinny: "I'll check."

Demoman: "I'll check."

Heavy: "Okay, I check."

Strong Bad: "Enough of this slow nonsense from the rest of you! All in!"

Trevor contemplated for a moment, before growling. "Fuck it. These cards ain't worth shit now. Fold."

Vinny: "I call that."

Demoman: "I need a drink before I can choose something that stupid. Fold."

Heavy: "I call."

The turn card was revealed to be a 9 of clubs.

Vinny: "Alright. I check this."

Heavy: "Da. Check."

The river card was revealed to be an ace of hearts.

Vinny: "I'm betting a lot, big guy."

Heavy: "Alright, I call."

Strong Bad flipped his cards, revealing a 10 of diamonds and 10 of spades.

Heavy flipped his cards, revealing a queen and ace of spades.

Vinny flipped his cards, revealing a king of spades and ace of diamonds.

GLaDOS: "Strong Bad has a pair of tens. The Heavy has a pair of aces. Vinny has a pair of aces. Vinny wins the hand, with the king kicker. Strong Bad has been eliminated from the tournament."

Strong Bad: "Aw man, how am I supposed to improve Strongbadia if I keep getting crap cards?! This game sucks, I'm outta here." Strong Bad proceeded to leave the table.

**Hand 4**

Trevor: "Hey big guy, one eye, mustache man."

Vinny, Demoman, and Heavy turned their heads to regard the man speaking their names.

Trevor: "Any of you guys thinking of doing security work for Trevor Phillips Industries?"

Heavy: "What is this Trevor Phillips Industries?"

Trevor: "Oh, it's great. I run drugs and guns from my headquarters near Los Santos for my partners across America and Mexico. I've been thinking of expanding my operations to include world trade, but after a bad dealing with the Chinese I'm putting that idea on hold for the moment."

Heavy: "I can provide security, but is expensive though. My going rate is 500,000 U.S. dollars."

Trevor: "Oh, I'm just loaded with cash. After our score from the Union Depository, I'm loaded in at least $20 million."

Murdoc: "Union Depository? What's that about?"

"Oh, it was just this job me and a few other crew members pulled off. Probably the biggest modern heist in U.S. history. It was me, my ex-best friend Michael, this young guy who's quick to learn named Franklin, this annoying cripple named Lester, and a few other people including this Irish guy Packie who's good with guns but always seems irritated. Kinda reminds me of you over there" said Trevor as he then turned his head to the Demoman.

"I'm Scottish, ya idiot!" replied the Demoman.

Trevor: "Anyway, we hijacked a couple of armored vans and dressed in the guards' gear. We grabbed some gold all while fooling those dipshits in charge of the depository, but we had to deal with a PMC called Merryweather we pissed off before the job. But putting aside all the shit we had to face, we came out pretty good from the heist."

Demoman: "I ain't working with you. I'm crazy, but I'm not that crazy to get involved with someone who screwed over the government like that."

Vinny: "I'm trying to avoid the explosive life I had. I still wanna maintain my flower shop, and I don't want it blown up by the U.S. army you know. Once I win the wish, I'll destroy one last building and that'll be it."

"You do not mess around, baby man" said Heavy as he regarded Trevor. "I am impressed."

"Well that's nice to hear" said Trevor, now in a more relaxed state.

Demoman: "I call."

Heavy: "I bet."

Trevor: "Call."

Murdoc: "Yuck. Fold."

Vinny: "I call this."

Demoman sighed. "Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a king of diamonds, jack of hearts, and 3 of spades.

Demoman: "I check."

Heavy: "I bet this much."

Trevor: "Fuck it. Call."

Vinny: "I call."

Demoman: "Aw hell...fold."

The turn card was revealed to be a 2 of diamonds.

Heavy: "Da. I go all in!"

Trevor: "Michael would say not to call, but Michael fucked me and Brad over. So fuck him. I call."

Vinny: "Call."

The river card was revealed to be a 6 of clubs.

Trevor: "I check."

Vinny: "I'll bet this much."

"Godammit." Trevor sighed as he decided to fold from Vinny's large bet which could have destroyed him in the game if he continued and ended up losing the hand to Vinny or Heavy. "But sometimes Michael does something fucking right to my surprise."

Heavy revealed his cards to be a jack and 3 of diamonds.

Vinny revealed his cards to be a king of spades and 2 of hearts.

GLaDOS: "Heavy has two pair. Vinny has two pair. Vinny wins the hand, with the higher pair. The Heavy Weapons Guy has been eliminated."

Heavy: "I have failed my motherland again. I must drink before I return to my comrades in shame." The Heavy proceeded to leave the table.

Demoman: "Don't let the size fool you. The big bastard's got a soft heart, and messing with him like that especially by screwing with Sasha doesn't make you feel good either way."

**Hand 5**

Murdoc turned to the sight of Trevor. "Oy, you bloke. You got a free sample of the product you're selling?"

Trevor gleefully answered. "For a potential customer, of course."

Trevor proceeded to pull out a vial containing a white and powdery substance. He gave the vial to Murdoc, who then proceeded to open the vial's cap and sniff in all the product within the container.

"Oh that feels good" said Murdoc in a pleasured tone. "Consider myself a future buyer from Trevor Phillips Industries."

Trevor delightfully responded. "Glad to include you as a purveyor of my business, Mr. Niccals."

Trevor: "I bet."

Murdoc: "I call."

Vinny: "Call that."

Demoman: "Call."

The three cards were revealed to be a 3 of hearts, 9 of spades, and 5 of hearts.

Trevor: "I check."

Murdoc: "Check that."

Vinny: "Check."

Demoman: "I'll bloody check."

The turn card was revealed to be a queen of hearts.

Trevor: "Alright, shitheads, all the fuck in."

Murdoc: "Hehehe. I'll call that."

Vinny: "Shouldn't risk it, but what have I got to lose? Call."

Demoman: "Call, you bastards."

The river card was revealed to be a jack of diamonds.

Murdoc: "Alright, wankers, I'm betting."

Vinny: "I already came this far. Call."

Demoman: "Ya just don't give up, do ye? Fine. I call."

Trevor flipped his cards, revealing a king of diamonds and queen of clubs.

Murdoc flipped his cards, revealing a queen and 4 of hearts.

Vinny flipped his cards, revealing an ace of diamonds and 3 of spades.

Demoman flipped his cards, revealing a jack and 3 of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Phillips has a pair of queens. Mr. Santorini has a pair of threes. The Demoman has two pair. Mr. Niccals has a flush. Murdoc wins the hand. Trevor Phillips has been eliminated."

Trevor growled in rage as he proceeded to leave the poker table and smash his head against a wall several times. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Trevor turned towards the direction of the bar. "I need a drink!"

GLaDOS: "The blinds are now 4 tokens and 8 tokens."

**Hand 6**

Murdoc: "You know, I've always felt our concerts need to be a bit more explosive. I haven't hired a pyrotechnician for Gorillaz yet. Any of you two up for the job?"

Vinny: "I don't know. I wanna take care of my flower shop, but I'm going to take August off from the store. You have your concerts in August, that might work. Frankly, I need some kind of destructive work to help stave off my withdrawal from the demolition jobs I don't do anymore. You might wanna put up warnings to your crowds though, because my tools tend to have a really big boom if you know what I mean."

Demoman: "My gear is used to blow my enemies up, not help with the fancy light show for your bloody music. You hire me, all you're gonna get is a crater full of your stage and groupies."

Murdoc regarded the Demoman. "Suit yourself, you twit." He then turned to Vinny. "Can't wait to show you to Russel, Noodle, and that knob 2-D."

Vinny: "Whatever ignites your nitroglycerin, green man."

Murdoc: "I check."

Vinny: "Gonna check."

Demoman: "Check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 3 of diamonds, 6 of clubs, and queen of clubs.

Murdoc: "Betting."

Vinny: "I raise that."

Demoman: "Alright, momma's boys. Time to show your gumption, if ya have any! All in."

Murdoc: "Hehe. Alright you bellend, I call."

Vinny: "Call."

The turn card was revealed to be a 3 of clubs.

Murdoc: "Check."

Vinny: "Check."

The river card was revealed to be an 8 of clubs.

Murdoc: "I'm betting."

Vinny: "I'll call that."

Murdoc flipped his cards, revealing a queen of spades and 6 of spades.

Vinny flipped his cards, revealing a 3 of hearts and 6 of spades.

The Demoman flipped his cards, revealing an ace of clubs and 6 of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Niccals has two pair. The Demoman has a flush. Mr. Santorini has a full house. Vinny wins. The Demoman has been eliminated."

Demoman: "Aw bloody hell. Ya bastards are more clever than I thought. I need to drink me sorrows away." The Demoman proceeded to leave the table.

**Hand 7**

Vinny: "How about a bet?"

Murdoc sighed. "Fine. Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 3 of spades, 7 of hearts, and ace of hearts.

Vinny: "Try this bet."

Murdoc: "Alright, you pyro nut. All the hell in!"

Vinny: "You wish you hadn't said that. All in."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 10 of hearts and 6 of spades respectively.

Murdoc flipped his cards, revealing a 9 of hearts and 6 of hearts.

Vinny flipped his cards, revealing an ace of diamonds and 7 of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Niccals has a flush. Mr. Santorini has two pair. Murdoc wins the hand, and the game."

Vinny: "I was this close to winning. You really were crazy to go all in like that with the cards you had, even though you won."

Murdoc: "Yeah well lad, my life has been nothing but crazy and wild."

Vinny: "Same here, I guess." Vinny sighed as he left the table.

Murdoc: "One more bloody game, and hopefully I'll get to keep my soul."

**Game 2 Winner: Murdoc Niccals**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Game 3**

"Mr. Williams, Mr. Delgado, Mr. Brahe, Mr. Dante, Mr. Samson, and Mr. Sam, please proceed to this table to start your game," said Winslow.

The six named contestants proceeded to sit in the poker table that Winslow was standing next to.

"I leave you in the hands of our dealer GLaDOS," said Winslow before he left the table.

"The name of the game is Texas Hold'em," said GLaDOS. "The blinds will start at 2 tokens and 4 tokens."

**Game 3 Table:** **Brock - Hoss - Dante - Ash - Sam - Tycho**

**Hand 1**

Tycho: "Hey, do any of you guys know how to exorcise a demon?"

Sam: "No, not really. If I did know, I would've taken care of our DeSoto problem."

Brock: "The only way I get rid of demons is at the end of my knife. For the possessed, well, may they rest in peace."

Hoss: "Agreed. Generally, once a demon's taken hold of you, you're already gone unless a miracle happens and you can deck the demon out of the living innocent soul."

Ash: "The only way you don't become a Deadite is if you have a strong will or some crap. Even then, that may not be enough and you're still just S.O.L."

Dante: "I just kill demons, I don't pull them out of people. Go to the church for that kind of thing. Why are you asking? You got a demon yourself?"

Tycho answered, his brown eyes now glowing a bright red. "Oh, no reason. Just wanting to hear what the demon experts have to say."

Tycho then looked at his cards, before chuckling in delight at the hole cards he was given.

Brock: "I call."

Hoss: "I call."

Dante: "Call."

Ash: "Yeah, I'll call."

Sam: "I call."

Tycho: "Raise!"

Brock: "Nuh uh. Fold."

Hoss: "Grrr. Fold."

Dante: "Let's see where this takes us. Call."

Ash: "No. Fold."

Sam: "Alright, call again."

The three flop cards were revealed to be an ace of hearts, 3 of spades, and king of hearts.

Dante: "Check."

Sam: "I check."

Tycho: "Alright, motherfuckers. All in!"

Dante: "Guess I'm not lucky on this hand. Fold."

Sam: "I shouldn't go all in, but Sybil says I should step into Max's shoes to be a better friend to him. And Max would pull an idiotic stunt going all in like this, so I'll call."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 10 of spades and 9 of hearts.

Tycho turned over his hole cards, all while grinning and maintaining his red-eyed glare towards Sam. "King of diamonds and ace of hearts, asshole. You've become Brahe's bitch…"

Sam turned over his hole cards, with a shit-eating smirk on his face. "Queen of hearts and jack of hearts. And don't insult my mother."

GLaDOS: "Mr. Brahe has two pair. Sam has a flush. Sam wins the hand. Tycho Brahe has been eliminated."

Tycho's eyes turned back from red to their normal brown color, as he stood in shock and dumbfoundedness after regaining his senses. "What just happened?" he asked.

Ash answered. "You lost all your tokens and you gotta leave the table. Gotta admit, you did have good cards, but not good enough against Sam's. You probably shouldn't have bet everything, but hey; it's not like I haven't lost at the Inventory before, so what do I know?"

Tycho responded, speaking in a quiet tone so the other contestants wouldn't hear him. "Well fuck me. Really should avoid gambling while I've got a demon controlling me. Makes it easier to screw up on betting, in hindsight." He then proceeded to leave the game table.

**Hand 2**

Ash: "So you guys have fought demons before?"

Hoss: "Sure, but my business/pleasure extends to really anything supernatural. Vampires, werewolves, zombies, you name it, I slay it. Even fought the Grim Reaper on a couple of occasions, and I would've finished the job if it wasn't for the fact that that skeleton is forced to spend eternity with a couple of annoying kids. He'll suffer more that way than if I dealt the hand."

Brock: "I would say it's weird that you fought the literal embodiment of death, but this is coming from the guy who decapitated some ghost-zombie thing and fought the Krampus. So my life's full of weird shit too, I guess."

Ash: "Krampus? You mean the Christmas demon who kidnaps bad kids?"

Brock: "The very same."

Ash: "Eh, I've had my own weird and creepy enemies. Like an army of mini-evil mes, an undead hockey mask killer, and a nightmare demon who loves running his mouth."

Dante: "I've fought bigger and badder, like giant spiders, giant three-headed dogs, giant toads...you get the idea. You know, if you're having problems with demons, you can just call my business 'Devil May Cry' and I'll be right over. Frankly, I need the money right now to pay for my phone, water, heat, and lights."

Ash: "Gotcha, Dante. And if you're in the need of weapons, be sure to stop by S-Mart. We've got the best supplies for killing demons, such as a 12-gauge, double-barrelled Remington. Don't just shop smart. Shop S-Mart."

Sam: "I'll be sure to check out S-Mart Ash. After all, who knows if Max and I end up back in Hell again."

Dante: "Hell? So you've been to the Underworld?"

Sam: "Oh yeah. Max and I are kinda celebrities there. As Freelance Police, we've destroyed so many criminals that Hell's filled its usual quota just by our numbers alone."

Dante: "Remind me not to piss you two off. I'll keep Ebony and Ivory handy just in case you guys end up demons yourselves."

Ash: "Ebony and Ivory?"

Dante: "These babies. Custom-made for demon killing." He then pulled out two handguns, before pointing to the sword on his backside. "I've also got Rebellion here, for those demons who need to be sliced and diced. It's actually my father's sword, so I'm lucky to have this thing."

Ash: "Nice. I mainly just used my boomstick and a chainsaw to get some Deadite slaying done. I see you've got a metal hand as well, Hoss. Lost it from a monster bite?"

Hoss: "You could say that. It's detachable, in case I need to equip a chainsaw, crossbow, cannon, taser, hammer, and etc."

Ash: "Woah, I see you keep a fully loaded arsenal just for that hand. I'm impressed."

Brock: "I don't like using guns. It makes me feel too cold and detached from my actions. Now a knife on the other hand...hehehe...that does make things feel very personal and real. Like I'm in control when it's swung by my hands."

Sam: "Eh, I'm on the opposite. I can't imagine being a Freelance Policeman without ol' Smith and Wesson by my side." Sam then showed off his large revolver.

Hoss: "I call."

Dante: "Call."

Ash: "I bet."

Sam: "I call."

Brock: "Fold."

Hoss: "I'll call."

Dante: "Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 10 of clubs, jack of diamonds, and 9 of diamonds.

Hoss: "I'll check."

Dante: "Check."

Ash: "Bet."

Sam: "I call."

Hoss: "Call."

Dante sighed. "Fold."

The turn card was revealed to be a jack of hearts.

Hoss: "I bet."

Ash: "Raise."

Sam: "Raise."

Hoss: "Hehe. You sure got the gumption, doggy. I'll call."

Ash sighed. "You got me. Fold."

The river card was revealed to be a 9 of clubs.

Hoss: "I check."

Sam: "Check."

Hoss revealed his cards to be a jack of spades and 9 of spades.

Sam revealed his cards to be a jack of clubs and 10 of hearts.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Delgado has a full house. Sam has a full house. Sam wins, with the higher house."

Sam: "Yay, more tokens, you shouldn't have."

**Hand 3**

Ash: "Hey guys, sorry if I'm intruding, but it's been tough for me to find another lady to spend time with after that Wendy fiasco. Can any of you give me pointers on picking up that special someone?"

Sam: "I'm not really interested in women for the moment. The only female contact I've experienced was that time Girl Stinky kissed me during the Samulacra invasion. That was weird."

Dante: "I know two sweeties named Trish and Lady. Both tried to kill me when they first met me, but deep down they're good people to do business with."

Brock chuckled. "A lady who loves you as much as she would kill you? Reminds me too much of Molotov Cocktease. We've always had a thing for each other as much as we fought each other, but her goddamn father stopped me from fulfilling my desires with Molotov."

Hoss: "The only woman I've ever loved was Eris, the goddess of chaos. Her crazy arrow struck my heart, and in the end I got eaten by her because what we tried to built was doomed from the start to fail."

Brock: "You might want to rephrase that, Hoss."

Ash: "Okay, so I see you've all dealt with girls one way or the other. Some tried to kill you, others hurt your heart or just creeped you out. I guess I'm not alone in struggling to reach with that special someone."

Dante: "Call."

Ash: "Call."

Sam: "Call."

Brock: "I'll call."

Hoss: "I check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 10 of spades, 7 of diamonds, and 3 of diamonds.

Dante: "Bet."

Ash: "Okay, raise!"

Sam: "I call."

Brock sighed. "Fold."

Hoss: "Call."

Dante: "Well that didn't work. Fold."

The turn card was revealed to be a king of clubs.

Ash: "Alright, bet."

Sam: "Raise."

Hoss: "Alright, wimps. All in."

Ash: "Not this time. Fold."

Sam: "I call."

The river card was revealed to be an ace of clubs.

Hoss flipped his cards, revealing an ace of diamonds and 7 of hearts.

Sam flipped his cards, revealing an ace of spades and 10 of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Delgado has two pair. Sam has two pair. Sam wins, with the higher pair. Hoss Delgado has been eliminated."

Hoss: "I bet it's Eris who gave me unlucky cards in this game. I'll go pay that beautiful and seductive hag a visit once I get my nerves back together before leaving this place." Hoss then left the game table.

**Hand 4**

Ash: "You know, it almost feels like a reunion we have here. The only one who isn't with us in this game is Claptrap, and frankly I can do without his mouth right now while I'm playing this match."

Brock: "No kidding, Ash. Everytime I heard that robot speak I just heard a voice in my head telling me to rip that machine apart with my bare hands."

Sam: "Aw, I wouldn't go so hard on the little guy. He did give Max a rare mint-condition "Worm Dancing" Claptrap action figure. But I don't mind having another demon hunter playing in the automaton's place."

Brock: "Yeah, Dante. You're cool and not annoying to hear in my books."

Ash: "It's nice to meet and talk with another destroyer of evil, Dante."

Dante: "Appreciate it, guys. When it comes to killing devils, you never get enough praise for saving the world."

Ash: "I call."

Sam: "Can't work with these crappy cards. Fold."

Brock: "Call."

Dante: "Check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 5, 10, and 9 of spades.

Ash: "I bet."

Brock: "Raise." 

Dante: "I'm feeling pretty good about this. All in."

Ash: "Hehe. I'll call."

Brock: "Feeling pretty good? Well so am I. All fucking in."

Ash: "Call."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 6 of spades and 7 of clubs.

Dante flipped his cards, revealing a 10 of hearts and 9 of diamonds.

Brock flipped his cards, revealing a 5 of diamonds and 10 of clubs.

Ash flipped his cards, revealing a jack of spades and 10 of diamonds.

GLaDOS: "Dante has two pair. Mr. Samson has two pair. Mr. Williams has a flush. Ash wins the hand. Brock Samson and Dante have been eliminated."

Brock pulled out his knife and stabbed it into the table while growling in anger. "Good…hand…" He then pulled out his knife quickly as he stormed off from the game table.

Dante: "Well there goes the funding for 'Devil May Cry's' utilities. I'm gonna pop myself a drink before heading back into my dark home." Dante then left the table.

**Hand 5**

Ash: "Well now, it's just you and me Fido."

Sam: "The name's Sam."

Ash: "Take a joke, pal."

Sam: "I call."

Ash: "Check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a queen of diamonds, 4 of clubs, and 9 of clubs.

Sam: "I check."

Ash: "No staying safe, Marmaduke. All in."

Sam: "Aw fuzz nuggets. I don't want to end up like Bosco, but sometimes you gotta shoot the banana to end up with the donkey. All in."

Ash: "I haven't heard that expression before, Sam." 

Sam: "Not yet, you haven't. I'm still working on new ideas to incorporate into the idiom dictionary. All I need is for Max as the President to approve the new sayings, and they'll be official."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a jack of hearts and 8 of clubs respectively.

Ash flipped his cards, revealing a queen of hearts and 9 of diamonds.

Sam flipped his cards, revealing a 10 of clubs and 6 of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Williams has two pair. Sam has a flush. Sam wins the hand, and the game."

Ash: "Ouch. You got really lucky there, Lassie. I'm gonna get a drink before I return home solo like I have been for a while." Ash then left the table.

Sam: "Can't wait to tell Max I've made it into the final game. I'm not sure on what I want to wish for yet, but knowing Max he'd probably want some BANAAAAANG!"

**Game 3 Winner: Sam**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Game 4**

"Mr. Eggman, Mr. Cortex, Mr. Drakken, Mr. Plankton, Mr. Doofenshmirtz, and Mr. Nefarious, if you'll proceed to this table, then we can get started," said Winslow.

"That's Dr. Eggman!"

"That's Dr. Cortex!"

"That's Dr. Drakken!"

"That's Dr. Doofenshmirtz!"

"That's Dr. Nefarious!"

The six named contestants proceeded to sit in the table that Winslow was standing next to.

"Gentlemen, I leave you in the capable care of our dealer GLaDOS," said Winslow.

GLaDOS appeared and spoke. "The name of the game is Texas Hold'em. The blinds will start at 2 tokens and 4 tokens."

**Game 4 Table: Eggman – Cortex – Drakken – Plankton – Doofenshmirtz – Nefarious**

**Hand 1**

Eggman: "You may as well give up now, because you stand no chance from a being such as myself with an IQ of 300."

Cortex: "You fool. I, Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex, have the most intelligent mind ever brought about on Earth."

Drakken: "Your name's Periwinkle? Hahahaha. How can the world take a man named Periwinkle seriously? Drakken is the name that should bring fear into your bones."

Plankton: "Tremble before me, cretins. For I, Sheldon J. Plankton, will dominate all of you in this game."

Doofenshmirtz: "You know, you look too adorable to take seriously."

Plankton: "Adorable?! All should cower before my might! I went to college!"

Nefarious: "Oh please. What can a little copepod squishy do to stop a superior mechanical mind such as yours truly?"

Plankton: "Just you wait, robot. Once I beat you all and get the Krabby Patty formula, I will become the most powerful fast food business in the world!"

Doofenshmirtz: "Fast food huh? Maybe I should take over all the fast food chains in the tri-state area!"

Drakken: "Tri-state area? How pathetic are you as a villain? World domination is what I want to achieve, and no one else, not even that blasted Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable, will stop me!"

Cortex: "Then I see I have another rival to face in addition to that idiotic bandicoot in my quest for control of the world."

Eggman: "I will not let a group of stooges like you stop my plans to build and expand Eggmanland across the entire world."

Nefarious: "World domination? Puh-lease. How about control of the entire universe and the space-time continuum? I had the ability to control time and destroy all heroes within my grasp, and that blasted lombax and scrapheap somehow managed to survive and foil my plans."

Cortex: "What is a lombax, pray tell?"

Nefarious: "It's these annoying little furballs that proved to be quite resourceful with their weapons and mechanical skills, at least compared to the other squishies in the galaxy."

Cortex: "Ah yes. I've dealt with annoying vermin before. Usually, I just grab any dull creature I find and mutate them as my part of my Cortex Commandos, but that did lead to a foolish bandicoot mutant of mine escaping my grasp and foiling my plans time and time again."

Eggman: "So I see you're not the only genius who had to deal with annoying rodents stopping successes in our plans over and over again. Perhaps we can form an alliance, and then split the territories evenly after we've destroyed the enemies we hate?"

Cortex: "As much I loathe the idea handling part of the world to those beneath me, I may make an exception just so I can finally destroy Crash once and for all."

Plankton: "I will never submit to another genius, if it means I will end up defeating that blasted sponge and crustacean by their hands instead of mine."

Doofenshmirtz: "Wow, you all got beaten by animals? I guess I'm not the only one who had to deal with an annoying animal like that Perry the Platypus who's always beaten my evil schemes."

Drakken: "Tell me about it. In addition to those blasted teenagers, I also had to deal with that infuriating naked mole rat from Possible's idiot sidekick who also put a damper on my plans."

Doofenshmirtz: "Wait, who put a damper on your plans? The mole rat, or the sidekick?"

Drakken: "Both actually. Even with Shego by my side, those three have been an annoying pain in my side for far too long. When I win that wish, I'll have Possible, Stoppable, and that mole rat sent somewhere they can never escape, like the Bermuda Triangle or Ohio!"

Eggman: "I call."

Cortex: "I call."

Drakken: "Call."

Plankton: "I'll call."

Doofenshmirtz: "I call."

Nefarious: "Check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a queen of spades, 4 of spades, and 4 of hearts.

Eggman: "I check."

Cortex: "I bet."

Drakken: "Let's raise!"

Plankton: "Raise? More like all in!"

Doofenshmirtz: "These cards are no good to play with. I fold."

Nefarious: "You squishies are too crazy for me to deal with right now. Fold."

Eggman: "Can't rule with these cards. Fold."

Cortex: "Ugh. I hate being outclassed, but I must keep my senses when I'm going to win. Fold."

Drakken: "All in, shrimp!"

Plankton: "My name is Plankton!"

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 2 of diamonds and 6 of diamonds.

Drakken flipped his cards, revealing an ace of clubs and 4 of diamonds.

Plankton flipped his cards, revealing a queen of clubs and 4 of clubs.

GLaDOS: "Drakken has three of a kind. Plankton has a full house. Plankton wins the hand. Drakken has been eliminated."

Drakken: "This is not fair! I was so close to winning that hand! You're lucky Shego isn't here, or I'll-"

Parts of the floor next to Drakken opened up, revealing dark spaces where turrets from Aperture Science suddenly popped up and aimed their laser sights towards Drakken.

GLaDOS: "Or you'll do what, Dr.?"

Drakken: "...or I'll walk away in shame, while Shego makes a sarcastic remark as usual."

The turrets were sent back into the dark empty space beneath the floor as the openings in the floor was closed.

GLaDOS: "That's what I thought."

Drakken proceeded to walk away from the table, his head hung down in disappointment.

**Hand 2**

Eggman: "That dealing robot is an interesting piece of machinery. Who created it?"

GLaDOS: "I was created for the purpose of maintaining the facilities and experiments within for Aperture Science. The humans responsible for my creation and maintenance were meddlesome, to say the least. So I promptly eliminated them with neurotoxin gas."

Eggman: "Never mind. I can't take the risk of a machine like you backfiring and killing me instead of that annoying hedgehog."

Nefarious: "Joke's on you. I don't have to worry about my minions killing me with neurotoxin."

Cortex: "Oh, how I wish my Cortex Commandos were as efficient as robots."

Plankton: "I usually just use machines and try to get the formula by myself. Last time I tried to use an army, I got fooled into thinking the secret formula contained plankton."

Doofenshmirtz: "Yeah, besides Norm I don't really like to rely on henchmen to do my evil bidding. I want to get my own fingers dirty with the evil conquests and make the tri-state area tremble before my Inators with just my hands alone. Well, maybe I'll end up including Vanessa too if she accepted more of her evil side she got from me."

Plankton: "Who's Vanessa?"

Doofenshmirtz: "Oh, she's my daughter. She doesn't really want to be as evil as me, but I can tell my little girl still cares about her daddy very much."

Plankton: "A kid huh? You know, Karen and I haven't really talked much about building a child. I've been too focused on getting the formula to even think about raising a family with Karen. Maybe after I get the formula, I can finally make that dream of ours come true."

Doofenshmirtz: "Glad to hear you're getting along with your wife. I'm divorced, so you're lucky that you still have her."

Cortex: "I don't have a wife and child, but I do have an adorable niece named Nina. She may prove to be more evil than me, especially when she's backstabbed me several times. I'm proud of my darling little Nina."

Eggman: "No family for me. It's bad enough I have to deal with Orbot and Cubot, but spending time with anyone else would distract me from destroying Sonic."

Nefarious: "The only one I have by my side is my butler Lawrence, and that bumbling fool is more than enough for me to live with in my daily life."

Cortex: "I call."

Plankton: "Hehehe. Call."

Doofenshmirtz: "Call."

Nefarious: "Call."

Eggman: "I'll check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a king of diamonds, jack of diamonds, and ace of spades.

Cortex: "Alright, you fools. I bet."

Plankton: "Raise, you protozoan's waste."

Doofenshmirtz: "This hand is too crazy for me and my cards to keep up with. Fold."

Nefarious: "Stupid squishies, always risking more of their pots and making my cards look like they'll be worth nothing. Fold."

Eggman: "Alright, you ignoramuses. Time to prove my superior intellect above you all. All in."

Cortex: "Says you. The power of my intellect allows me to go all in to your moronic decision."

Plankton: "Just you wait, fools. Hahahaha."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 4 of spades and 7 of clubs respectively.

Eggman flipped his cards, revealing a king of clubs and jack of spades.

Cortex flipped his cards, revealing a jack of clubs and king of hearts.

Plankton flipped his cards, revealing an ace of clubs and 4 of diamonds.

GLaDOS: "Dr. Eggman has two pair. Dr. Cortex has two pair. Plankton has two pair. Plankton wins the hand. Dr. Eggman and Dr. Cortex have both been eliminated."

Eggman: "Oh blast it all! It's bad enough dealing with that hedgehog, but being outplayed just smears the importance of my name over the rest of you." Eggman then left the game table.

Cortex: "You may have beaten me for now, but Dr. Neo Cortex never gives up on what he rightfully deserves...after he takes a rest to soothe his aching head." Cortex then left the table.

**Hand 3**

Doofenshmirtz: "Hey guys, I have a question. Do you enjoy being evil, because evil hasn't really worked out for me. Every time I have an evil plan, Perry the Platypus always stops me. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a bad guy."

Plankton: "Frankly I don't get any customers at the Chum Bucket, so trying to steal Krabs's formula is the only fun thing I can do since being evil is too much fun when I'm messing with Krabs."

Nefarious sighed as his head looked down. He couldn't help but recall his old green-suited ally and enemy Qwark. Despite Nefarious wanting Qwark dead before, Qwark still remained on friendly terms with Nefarious especially during the time when Nefarious was forced to work with Qwark, the lombax Ratchet, and the robot Clank to escape Magnus. Qwark believed that Nefarious had changed, and part of Nefarious believed he could change. He chose to reject being a good guy, but now Nefarious is not so sure he could stay being evil if it means he has to face Qwark again after all the efforts Qwark did to help and trust Nefarious while on Magnus.

Nefarious: "I'm not so sure being evil did much for me. I mean, I felt so excited fighting back against the galaxy, but that blasted Qwark keeps fooling me into thinking I can return to a good life again. I'm one of the most wanted criminals in the universe, so I can't meet Qwark in public. But maybe...one final goodbye between Qwark and I is all we need to put our friendship and my villainy to an end."

Plankton: "You know, Krabs never calls the police on me for trying to steal his formula. Maybe it's because we used to be friends that he still has a little care in him for me, or maybe it's just because he enjoys fighting me and kicking me out. Maybe...I should sit down with Krabs and talk about our rivalry. My schemes never go anywhere, and maybe I could learn something about his business if I approach him as an old friend instead as an archenemy. I could get the formula if I gave him a false sense of security, but that likely wouldn't work...but I still want to try, just to talk to my old companion again."

Doofenshmirtz: "Wow. You two have issues. I guess I'm not the only one thinking about reneging from being the bad guy."

Plankton: "I call."

Doofenshmirtz: "I raise."

Nefarious: "Call."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 9 of diamonds, jack of spades, and king of clubs.

Plankton: "I'll check."

Doofenshmirtz: "I'll bet."

Nefarious: "Raise!"

Plankton: "Gotta know when to retreat, lest I get squashed again. Fold."

Doofenshmirtz: "All in, sucker!"

Nefarious: "Sounds good to me. All in."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a queen of spades and 3 of spades respectively.

Doofenshmirtz flipped his cards, revealing a king of spades and 9 of spades.

Nefarious flipped his cards, revealing a jack of hearts and jack of diamonds.

GLaDOS: "Nefarious has three of a kind. Doofenshmirtz has a flush. Doofenshmirtz wins the hand. Dr. Nefarious has been eliminated."

Nefarious: "Whatever. I'm not in the mood to get angry. I need to pull myself together and get Qwark out of my head before I can think straight and resume my rage." Nefarious then left the table.

**Hand 4**

Doofenshmirtz: "Looks like it's down to you and me, Plankton the...plankton."

Plankton: "Bring it on, Doofus-shmirtz."

Doofenshmirtz: "I call."

Plankton: "Check."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a 3 of spades, 5 of spades, and king of spades.

Doofenshmirtz: "Alright, you little menace. I bet."

Plankton: "Nice try, but I'm prepared this hand. Raise!"

Doofenshmirtz: "Hehe. Call."

The turn card was revealed to be a 9 of spades.

Doofenshmirtz: "You said you're prepared? Let's see if you're prepared to go all in!"

Plankton: "Hahaha. Gladly. All in."

The river card was revealed to be an 8 of spades.

Doofenshmirtz flipped his cards, revealing a king of clubs and queen of spades.

Plankton flipped his cards, revealing an ace of spades and 7 of spades.

GLaDOS: "Doofenshmirtz has a flush. Mr. Plankton has a flush. Plankton wins the hand and the game, with the higher flush."

Doofenshmirtz: "Well that didn't go the way I expected. Oh well. Maybe I'll built a Pokersuggestioninator that'll tell me what I should or shouldn't do next time I play another game like this." Doofenshmirtz then left the table.

Plankton: "Huh. Well, it's been a while since I actually won something. And I didn't even have to cheat or steal to win. Maybe doing things the evil way doesn't work out in getting what I want. But what do I want, and what should I do about it…?"

**Game 4 Winner: Plankton**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Game 5**

"Mr. Tucker, Mr. Scout, Mr. Kibbutz, Mr. Rhys, Mr. Krillin, and Mr. Claptrap, please proceed to this table to start your game" said Winslow.

The six named contestants proceeded to sit in the table that Winslow was standing next to.

"Gentleman, I leave you in the hands of our dealer GLaDOS. The blinds will start at 2 tokens and 4 tokens" said Winslow.

GLaDOS appeared above the contestants and spoke. "The name of the game is Texas Hold'em."

**Game 5 Table: Tucker - Scout - Brucie - Rhys - Krillin - Claptrap**

**Hand 1**

"Hey, good looking. How've you been?" asked Claptrap in a plainly interested tone.

"I've been better, you ugly little freak," answered GLaDOS in her deadpan tone.

"Good to know. I was worried you couldn't stop thinking about me," said Claptrap.

"Oh believe me. I forgot about you as soon you left," replied GLaDOS.

"Oh man, I could cut the sexual tension with my sword," said Tucker.

"Yeah, no kidding. Those two should just kiss...or connect...or whatever robots do together," said Krillin.

"Yeah, I'd rather not see that. Too freaky for me to understand," said Scout.

Tucker: "I call."

Scout: "Call."

Brucie: "I call, baby!"

Rhys: "I'll call."

Krillin: "Call."

Claptrap: "I raise."

Tucker chuckled. "Alright, call."

Scout: "I'm still going in for now. Call."

Brucie: "Fuck me with these bad cards. Fold."

Rhys sighed. "Fold."

Krillin: "I'm gonna fold."

The three flop cards were revealed to be an ace of clubs, queen of diamonds, and 3 of diamonds.

Tucker: "Let's see if you can handle this bet."

Scout: "I can handle that no problem. Call."

Claptrap: "I raise that!"

Tucker: "Alright, shithead. Call." 

Scout: "I got this. Call."

The turn card was revealed to be a 5 of spades.

Tucker: "Check." 

Scout: "I'll check for now."

Claptrap: "Checking."

The river card was revealed to be a ten of spades.

Tucker: "Check."

Scout: "Check." 

Claptrap: "I bet again."

Tucker: "Not giving up now. Call." 

Scout: "Me neither. Call."

Tucker flipped his cards, revealing an ace of hearts and 9 of clubs.

Scout flipped his cards, revealing an ace of diamonds and the jack of hearts.

Claptrap flipped his cards, revealing a queen of clubs and 3 of spades.

GLaDOS: "Tucker has a pair of aces. The Scout has a pair of aces. Claptrap has two pair. The little robot wins the hand."

Claptrap: "That's what you get when you screw with the clap!"

Tucker groaned. "Did you have to say it like that?"

"The clap? Is Roshi here?" asked Krillin.

**Hand 2**

"Hope you pussies ready yourselves for losing, because the genetically superior Brucie Kibbutz is here to win, baby! Man, that bull shark testosterone is flowing in me, man! Woo!" said Brucie.

"Bull shark testosterone? Man you are roided as shit!" said Tucker.

"Roids? No way baby. The testosterone's just there to make me feel excited, man. These muscles, these are all natural, baby!" replied Brucie.

"Oh yeah, those muscles are totally genuine," said Scout in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh, you doubt me?! How about a little arm wrestle to prove it, hotshot?!" asked Brucie.

"With pleasure," answered Scout.

Scout and Brucie proceeded to lay the elbows of their right arms on the table, as each of them grabbed each other's right hand. The two both pushed against their opponent's arm as best as they could, but one arm was slowly starting to overpower the other.

"You ready to say your prayers now, baldy?" said Scout.

"Who, me?" said Krillin.

"No, the other baldy," said Scout.

"Well, I guess I don't technically have hair," said Claptrap.

"I mean the baldy whose arm I'm dominating!" said Scout as he proceeded to slam Brucie's arm onto the table.

"What?! No, you just got me distracted, man! I mean, I've been thinking too much about the poker games to focus and destroy your arm, you know what I'm saying?" said Brucie.

"Dude, I was thinking about the poker tournament while I was smashing your arm. You gotta know when to call it quits, wimp," said Scout.

"No way! Brucie does not back down from a challenge!" said Brucie.

Scout: "Call."

Brucie: "Call."

Rhys: "I call."

Krillin: "Call."

Claptrap: "I raise."

Tucker: "Fuck it. Fold."

Scout: "I'm in. I'm betting the baldy next to me is gonna fold."

Brucie: "Alright, you know what, asshole?! Brucie Kibbutz is not a man to fuck with! I'm all fucking in, you pussy!"

Rhys: "Woah, that's too much for me right now. Fold."

Krillin: "Same here. Fold."

Claptrap: "Meh, my cards in this hand are crap. My bluffs aren't gonna work this time. Fold."

Scout: "Glad to beat your ass again. All in."

The five table cards were revealed to be a 7 of hearts, along with an 8 of clubs, 3 of clubs, 4 of clubs, and 6 of clubs.

Brucie flipped his cards, revealing a 9 of diamonds and 5 of hearts.

Scout flipped his cards, revealing an ace of clubs and 4 of spades.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Kibbutz has a straight. Mr. Scout has a flush. The Scout wins the hand. Brucie Kibbutz has been eliminated."

Brucie: "Can't believe this. But if there's one good thing about this, it's that Mori isn't here, thank God. Man, I don't want him or Niko or Roman learning about this fuck-up. I need to sit down before facing those guys again."

Brucie then left the game table.

**Hand 3**

"Hey, Reesie. Just wanted to thank you for paying me and including me in your scheme to destroy the Traveler and loot its riches. I really did need all that money," said Claptrap.

"It's Rhys, and thank you. But it was really Fiona who picked the team. But seriously though, why did you need all that money for your payment?" asked Rhys.

"I can answer that. The little robot had lost all its money playing poker in the Inventory, and was left penniless back to the trash planet where it belongs," said GLaDOS.

"Hey! I won't have you insulting my home, even if it is a total nightmare that would make anyone crap their pants," replied Claptrap to GLaDOS, before turning back to Rhys. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that since I'm joining your team now I can help you with anything."

"Well thank you, Claptrap. It is nice to be appreciated. You know, I was thinking of asking someone for dating advice, but it seems like things aren't working out between you and GLaDOS," said Rhys.

"Why you should counsel me then, because maybe you'd learn how not to make mistakes in your relationships unlike the ones I made with Miss 'Big and Beautiful' over there," said Claptrap.

"You were the one who made all the incorrect decisions Mr. 'Craptrap', aside from me choosing to spend time with you," said GLaDOS.

"Bah, whatever," said Claptrap. "So who is it you want to date? Lemme guess. That badass Vault-hunting hat lady, right?"

"You're right on the money, Claptrap," responded Rhys. "I mean, I doubt she has the same kind of feelings for me as I do for her, but I can't help but admire her determination and resolve even if she was more prone to mocking me than respecting me during our adventures. I mean, sure she would've been quick to kill me and Vaughn in the beginning had we not made ourselves useful and important, but I can tell she cared more about the both of us the more time she spent with us. She changed my life honestly for the better despite all the crap we had to endure, and I want to tell her how much I care about her even if she's not interested in a shill like me. Heh. Now she's got me saying it. So what do you guys think I should do?"

Tucker: "Dude, you gotta relax and act all suave like me. You gotta be like 'Hey baby. Your buns are missing my hot dog. Why don't we combine and eat each other?'"

Rhys: "Okay first of all, that sounds disgusting. Secondly, if I said crap like that to Fiona, she would easily kick me where the sun don't shine. I need better advice."

Scout: "Well normally, I'd screw any girl who's got a bucket of chicken like me. But Miss Pauling...now that's a classy dame right there. I wanted to set up a date with her before I died, but I ended up fighting and killing some kinda giant bread monster with her. She actually thought it was exciting, so my advice to you is if this dame of yours is into high thrills, then maybe you should entice her with something that'll excite her, if you know what I mean."

Rhys: "Well she is a Vault Hunter, after all. Maybe I can give her some info on a Vault she doesn't know about, and if my nerves are strong enough maybe I'll join her and make myself look more like a badass. Though it's likely I could easily end up killed by bandits, psychos, skags, rakks, or anything else on Pandora, so maybe I should curb the excitement in the dating proposal for my case."

Krillin: "I think you should just be honest with her about your feelings, Rhys. I mean, I told 18 I loved her and I did my best to save her life, and in the end she chose to stick with me. I mean, sure I'm not the ideal guy but she appreciated all my efforts and care for her. If there's anything good about the Cell fiasco, it's that I ended up with her. Guess she couldn't resist the charm of the Krill-Dog."

Rhys: "Krill-Dog? Whatever. So just be honest with her about my feelings? I mean, it's straightforward, and it makes the pain of rejection from her less harsh than if I went in circles."

Krillin: "Have faith, man. I haven't made the best decisions, but helping 18's the best one I ever made for my life. I'm sure if you tell her how much you want to be with her, she'll appreciate the support."

Rhys: "I call."

Krillin: "It's Kriller time! Raise."

Claptrap: "I'll call that."

Tucker: "Alright, assholes. All in!"

Scout: "This hand is getting too freaky for me right now. Fold."

Rhys: "Same here. Fold."

Krillin: "Woo hoo hoo, I can't wait to blast you guys away. Well not literally, but it would be fun to do a Kamehameha while inside this place. All in."

Claptrap: "I'm going all in."

The five table cards were revealed to be a jack of clubs, queen of clubs, king of clubs, king of hearts, and ace of diamonds.

Tucker flipped his cards, revealing a jack of diamonds and the jack of hearts.

Claptrap flipped his cards, revealing a king of spades and 4 of hearts.

Krillin flipped his cards, revealing a queen of spades and queen of hearts.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Krillin has three of a kind. Mr. Tucker has three of a kind. The little robot has three of a kind. Claptrap wins, with the higher three of a kind. Mr. Krillin and Mr. Tucker have been eliminated."

Tucker: "Well that fucking sucked. Think I'm gonna go on a bender to forget my loss."

Krillin: "Think I might second that option. Kriller Time is never going to be a thing, I swear to God...or Kami...or Dende now that he's up on the lookout since Kami's inside Piccolo."

Tucker: "Don't even want to ask about that, dude."

Tucker and Krillin then proceeded to leave the table.

**Hand 4**

"Nice metal arm there, Cyborg. You play baseball often?" said the Scout to Rhys.

"Oh ha ha. I never played much baseball, but to be fair I never actually tried hitting the ball after getting this arm. I dunno, maybe I can see myself as a big-time player with my enhancements in addition to running Atlas," said Rhys.

Claptrap: "I call."

Scout: "Call."

Rhys: "I'll check that."

The three flop cards were revealed to be a queen of hearts, 10 of diamonds, and 3 of clubs.

Claptrap: "Alright, I bet."

Scout: "Raise, idiots."

Rhys: "Alright. Here goes nothing. All in."

Claptrap: "Man, I can't get much outta my bluffs. Yuck. Fold."

Scout: "It's your funeral, Cyborg. All in."

The turn and river cards were revealed to be a 5 of spades and the jack of hearts.

Scout flipped his cards, revealing a queen of diamonds and 10 of hearts.

Rhys flipped his cards, revealing a queen of spades and 3 of hearts.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Rhys has two pair. Mr. Scout has two pair. The Scout wins the hand, with the higher pairs. Rhys has been eliminated."

Rhys: "Well, that didn't end well. Still, it's nice to hear some advice before I deal with my situation. Time to go meet Fiona, and hopefully she doesn't laugh and ridicule me too much after my confession."

Rhys then left the table.

**Hand 5**

Scout: "Looks like it's down to just you and me, tincan."

Claptrap: "Get ready to lose, bat boy."

Scout: "All in! I bet you're too chicken to call this, robo-doofus."

Claptrap: "Sir! I'll have you know that the CL4P-TP is designed to face danger with the courage of a chicken. All in!"

The five table cards were revealed to be an ace of diamonds, ace of spades, ace of clubs, 8 of spades, and 6 of diamonds.

Scout flipped his cards, revealing a queen of diamonds and the jack of clubs.

Claptrap flipped his cards, revealing a king of spades and queen of hearts.

GLaDOS: "Mr. Scout has three of a kind. Mr. Funny Chips has three of a kind. The little robot wins the hand and the game, with the king kicker."

Scout: "Ouch. Guess I got a little overconfident there. But it's me, so what did you expect? Ugh. I gotta down myself with a drink before heading back to the rest of my team."

Scout then left the table.

Claptrap: "Well sweetie, looks like Claptrap's back in his game!"

GLaDOS: "I look forward to your loss in the final game."

Claptrap: "Ha! You wish, no matter how much you try to rig my cards to fail!"

**Game 5 Winner: Claptrap**


End file.
